just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
