I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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