How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
