So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Randomize
