There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
false alarm. still invincible.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
