she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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