And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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