no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
