you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
