oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
my liver is dry heaving
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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