anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
