God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
