I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
