Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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