I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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