I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
