mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
