I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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