Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
