That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize