Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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