i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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