im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
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I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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