honey bunches of taint.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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