dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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