After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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