ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
