I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
