I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
