So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
