I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
