I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
