you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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