just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
