AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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