He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize