how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
