It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize