Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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