just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
