Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
