Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
