The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
