it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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