In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
