I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
