Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
