I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
