Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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