can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
