I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
