Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
