yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
