let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
