Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
