Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
