I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
