i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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