The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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