Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i think i just lost a toe
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
