You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
