Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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