Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
