I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
