She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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