carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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