that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need to calm my uterus...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
