I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
