watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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