he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize