Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
