Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
