His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize