So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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