So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
