That's intense
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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