The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
