At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
