sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
