Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
