their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
