and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
