I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize