i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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