please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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