Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
