Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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